Monday, April 11, 2011

What the heck Erika?

That's how I'm feeling right now.  The past couple of weeks I've just been going through the motions.  Ever since spring break I've been unmotivated to do anything.
I don't do work
I don't pray
I don't read my bible
I don't really make an effort to see people
I don't do anything!

I'm blaming facebook.

Today I sat in my room mostly all day, basically just wondering why I'm not operating in the kind of prophetic power that I know God has for me; why I'm not causing some major ripples in the spiritual world up here; why I'm feeling so complacent with the spiritual state that I'm in!  But I was unmotivated to do anything about it!! So then this quote came to mind [and mind you I dont know if I thought this up on my own, or heard or read it somewhere, but i really like it] and it says "When you don't feel like praying, pray" and praying is the LAST thing I wanted to do...So I tried to pray, and I just felt this intense spiritual wall that I haven't felt (or maybe just not noticed) in such a long time.  WHY HAVEN'T I NOTICED? I'm far away from God, He's calling my name, and I can't even hear Him!  He's waiting for me, looking at me, missing me, yearning for me to turn to Him with anything, but the closest He gets to any acknowledgement is an "ohmygod" every once in a while when I forget who I am.

This is me publicly saying that IM DONE WITH THAT!!!!! I don't want that for myself, I don't want that for my relationship with my Father, and I sure as heck don't want that as my reputation in His kingdom.

I want to be a shaker, a mover, an earth-changer! (Dan 10:12-13 *the spiritual world IS impacted by our prayers and petitions*)
I want to hear God's thoughts as He thinks them! (1 Cor 2:11-12 *no one knows the thoughts of God except Him and the Spirit of God, which we have been given!!!*)
I want to be able to feel what's on His heart, and pray for that! (Acts 13:22 *I want to be a woman after God's heart! I want to do everything He wants me to do!*)
I want to be able to love people the way He loves me, and them. (John 13:34, John 15:12, 1 John 2:7)
I want to look at other people and see their plight, and encourage them. (1 Thes 5:11)
I want to be a LIGHT here! (2 Cor 4:6)
I don't want to conform to the pattern of this world, but i want to be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of my mind! (Rom 12:2)
I want God to transform me, and renew me, and help me!  (Ps 51:10, Lam 5:21, Is 40:31)
I want to gaze into his eyes and be transformed into His likeness! (2 Cor 3:18)

This only comes from prayer, and waiting on Him, and talking to Him, but taking time just to sit and listen also.  I don't want to lose ground! I want to fight, and I know God has gone before me, and has already won the battle! (Deut 31:8)
Ok.  Now I'm gonna go do some nasty spiritual warfare!

Peace out homies.