a white world

Feet bundled in my blanket, nose still red from snow shoveling, heater on high, and hot chocolate on the way, I stare out of my window in contempt, at the nasty white evil currently falling from the sky because I know what this means.

Since the snow has left me indoors, not doing the things that i SHOULD be doing, and therefore bored, I have decided to write a blog post.. since i haven't actually written in a really long time.

Don't expect anything extremely philosophical or mind-blowing because of that fact.  Simply expect to know what I'm thinking.

Tomorrow at 9 am. I should be on a plane heading to Washington DC with a connection to Kansas City, Missouri.  I say 'should' because if this snow continues like this, I don't think i'll be going anywhere tomorrow.......
The repercussions of this would be as follows:
I would....

1. NOT be able to attend Onething '10 which I've been looking forward to since Onething '09....
2. NOT be able to see my boyfriend who I haven't seen since October 31st.
3. NOT be able to give him his present, OR receive mine, which he is extremely excited to give me.
4. Feel very guilty, and responsible for all the money wasted on this un-trip, even though it isn't my fault.

.........45 minutes later. update...

flight to DC is cancelled. 

two worlds far apart

so.... there's the mother who, when her child falls and scrapes their knee, coddles them and practically cries in their place, THEN there's the mother who sympathizes but says 'get up, brush it off, and pay more attention next time'....i will not be the coddler.

I'm sick of always having to be the one to comfort, and to say "aww im so sorry" to the person, when I know that they're in the wrong, and that they need to just grow up and stop acting like a child who just fell and scraped their knee.

Where's my home in this world?

So, I've come to the realization(s).....

1. That I've come to refer to Bethany as "home".
2. That yes, I feel 'at home' at home, but I didn't know where to put any of my things this past week when I was there.
3. That Being in cold weather so frequently upstate new york, when I go "downstate" for a small period of time, it seems like spring, because of the mild chill that often causes my poor mother to bundle herself in a heavy coat, scarf, hat, and gloves
4. That I really haven't posted on this blog as much as I would've liked to in the past 3 or so months.
5. That I've acquired a peace about going to SUNY Geneseo in January, as was previously planned, and NOT staying at Bethany for another semester, (as I realized I should do, but then failed to ever mention it to my father)
6. That 1630.5 miles is a really long ways away........
7. That I REALLY REALLY miss being tan.... the summer time is so elusive. THIS is why I have been unable to capture it in a bottle, and bathe in it, to receive my daily doses of sunshine......
8. That I miss my long hair.
9. That I'm going to grow my hair out, and get frequent trims, so that it keeps on growing.
10. That This looks a little boring, so I'm thinking about changing it up a bit.
11. That purple is a reeeeaallyyyy fun color :)
12. That I HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC BEFORE THANKSGIVING!!!!! I don't know why, but I just do. don't ask. don't judge.
13. That I'm a really creative person, conceptually. Unfortunately I am usually unable to carry out my creative concepts because I'm not very artistic.
14. That The christmas present I got for my boyfriend is apparently never going to be as cute as the one he got for me (quoting Kristin Delorenz)
15. That Being back at Bethany, I'm realizing that silence is best sometimes.
16. That I really love getting letters in the mail.
17. That this is such a pretty color!!!!!
18. That simple things make me happy!
19. That such as the scored paper on my quiznos "to-go" packaging that let me 'unzip' my sandwich and use the wrapping as a placemat!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20. That 20 things seems like a good number of revelations!

goodbye all my precious followers!!!!!!!!!! although I doubt anyone reads this.


so long, farewell, auf weidersehen goodbye!!

The World of the Past

*** I wrote this on the way from bordeaux to paris, during my two week period in france.***


Waking up this morning to the sound of the crashing thunder, hearing the rain patter on the portion of our air conditioning unit that jutted out of the window, feeling my spirits sink at the sight of the dark grey clouds that swarmed over the city of Bordeaux, blocking the sun from shining ever so kindly, on our upturned, awaiting, sunless faces, I sighed deeply at the realization that this would not be a good day.  Of course my predictions turned true when, after talking to the woman at the front desk for what seemed like hours, struggling through the language barrier that prevented us from communicating freely, and finally just handing her the credit card, relenting to the fact that our sanity was more precious than any money we could ever spend, as soon as we stepped foot outside of the lobby door, the rain drops started falling ever so heavily onto our somewhat coiffed hair, mildly worn clothing, and slightly beaten-up suitcases, leaving us looking like we just stepped out from underneath a shower.  We struggled our way across the cobblestone pathways, trying to keep our recalcitrant bags from rocking onto one wheel, unbalanced, and falling over.  We struggled, and we lost that battle, numerous times.  Taxi anyone?  No. that would be ridiculous, seeing as we strategically chose our hotel from among the innumerable hotels in Bordeaux, France, supremely based upon the fact that it was less than a block away from the train station from which our train would depart to arrive at Paris later today.  

Water dripping from the ends of my hair, shoes squeaking on the tiled floor, suitcase leaving two parallel lines behind me, that I would dare anyone to try and follow, under the assumption that I would get lost within three minutes of being in the station, I led the three of us into the station.  I could feel the people’s eyes on us as we sloshed through the hordes of well dressed, sophisticated french people, all knowing exactly what they’re doing.  We waited the allotted hour and a half that we had given ourselves, as extra time, in case we got lost somewhere between the street corner where the hotel let us out, and the other side of the street, where the entrance to the train station was.  

When we finally heard the clicking of the announcement board, and saw our track number appear, we followed the stampede towards what seemed like the right track. It turned out that following the crowds does pay off sometimes, when we stepped out onto the platform, to wait another 10 minutes for our train to arrive.  I stared at my train ticket, rifling through my mental french vocabulary flash cards, trying to remember if I knew a certain word that I saw, and when I realized I did not, I swallowed my pride, and asked one of the afore mentioned french people standing nearby.  A whistle interrupted the man’s explanation, announcing that our train was pulling into the station, dangerously close.  We saw the number 10 denoting that the approaching train car was indeed our car, we saw that number approach quickly, then quickly disappear as the car passed us, and eventually stopped 50 feet away.  We picked up our pace, determined not to miss our train.  We pushed our way through all the people crowded around the openings, apparently willing to pack themselves in like sardines in a can, just to get a seat on this train.  Arriving at our door, lugging my heavy suitcase, and seeing the pile of such suitcases stacked up at the top of the stairs that we had to walk up in order to take our seats, I knew this would cause a problem.  I tried to stack my bag on top of the others, and after failing a couple times, i just left it, and went to take my seat.  However, others wouldn’t let well enough alone.  They had to try and re-arrange all the bags so that they could fit.  I sat in my pre-determined seat, and tried to relax, but was astonishingly unable to, due to the various passengers trying to hoist their huge suitcases into the overhead carry-on racks, leaving half the suitcase sticking out, and the woman across the aisle absolutely mortified.  

         Finally the train starts moving, and everything settles down. The three of us with our respective ipod headphones stuck in our ears, consciously rejecting any type of conversation.  Currently I’m sitting, watching rolling fields of diligently cared for sunflowers fly past my window, followed by shorn fields of hay, with nothing left over by the harvesting machines except the cylindrical, tightly bound bales of hay (closely resembling our currently tightly wound tempers), scattered around.  Things got strange when the other passenger pulled a brown paper bag out of his modified carry-on bag , and began reaching in, and grabbing, after his foot long baguette sandwich, a bag of chips, a bag of cookies (which he proceeded to dangle in front of our noses, asking if we wanted some, which WE proceeded to decline) and finally a large drink.  How about some sleep?

World of Food

Well... I just thought I should let you know that the food up here isn't very tasty. it's bearable sometimes, but often times not, and I end up just eating salad... which I know isn't very healthy, but neither is that nasty chicken they made for dinner a couple nights ago.  I've been having some rather bad luck with the food here.

• Last Saturday morning I had a good omelette. It wasn't the best, but it wasn't bad, so I'm not complaining.  
• Then they made crab cakes this week, and it was kinda nasty. I didn't eat them. SALAD!!!
• Philly cheese steak sandwich..... got all over the place, but it was good!!
• Eggplant parm. ew.... eggplant is so mushy and gross....
• Then Saturday morning, I woke up, knowing i got to order my own custom omelette because that's breakfast on saturdays.  I asked for sausage and peppers, and cheese.  She gave me sausage, and TOMATOES and cheese. I don't really like tomatoes... at all. I've tried them NUMEROUS times, each time hoping I'll think it tastes different, but it doesn't.... so I got my omelette, and saw the nasty tomato juice all over my sausage, and my cheese, and it was gross. but I ate it..... because I felt bad for the girl who had to make it... 
• This morning I woke up too late for cream of wheat :( so I had cereal and cinnamon raisin toast with cream cheese.  my toast burnt....... :(

It has been a rather sad going-on in the food area of my life up here.. however I have ramen!!!! when in doubt.... ramen. :)

Dear World.

Dear Air Conditioner,
I might have not expressed this sentiment that often, but I love you so much.  I miss you dearly.

Dear Sunshine,

I'm waiting!!!!!!!!

Dear Deodorant,
People just use, and abuse you, you never get the thanks you deserve.  I would buy you flowers if I could!!!!

Dear TOMS shoe company,
KEEP GOIN' STRONG!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!!

Dear Salisbury Center,
COULD you possibly be farther from civilization??

Dear kitchen workers this morning,
I wanted sausage and PEPPERS in my omelette, not tomatoes. I hate tomatoes.

Dear Bethany Internet,
I really wish you worked better.

Dear Church History paper,
I REALLY REALLY don't want to write you, but I know I have to, and I guess I'm just gonna have to get over it....

Dear Capitalism card game,
WHY are you so entertaining???? and WHY can't there be a limit on the number of players in the game?

Dear cell phone,
STOP TURNING OFF WOULDYA???

Dear floor rug in my dorm room,
you are so cute, and soft, and I'm so glad we picked you out!!!

Dear Family,
I actually miss you. I didn't think I would all that much, because I was so glad to finally get away, but I really do miss you.

Dear Stewarts Landing,
Are there really snakes in your water?? That girl really scared me when she told me that.....

Dear clouds suddenly looming overhead,
LEGIT?????? go away!!!!!!!!!

Dear World,
SEND ME LETTERS!!!!! I LOVE GETTING MAIL!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

In the world of......nowhere

It's finally here. I'm at school now. I've packed, unpacked, put away, decorated, and even made a few friends along the way.  I arrived on Sunday night at 7, and everything after that is a bit of a blur, because of the adrenaline, I think, and maybe just the excitement of it all.

• MY ROOM: A spacious, clean, closeted, painted white, light brown carpeted, barely furnished room with a bunk bed, desk, 2 bureaus, and a chair.  We put little blue, teal, green and brown circle and square decals on the wall ('easily removable'....or so they say... we'll find out at the end of the year), found and tried to hang a mirror (alas it had no hooks to hang by), tried and failed to hang our flock of towels on the back-of-the-door towel rack that we were happy to see there, except we failed because it was broken. surprise surprise.  

• MY ROOMMATE: Ashley Navarro, a fun-loving, wonderful, hilarious, dedicated, kind and compassionate, God-loving person, who I am DELIGHTED to have as my roommate, prayer partner, decorating partner, homework partner, food supplier, clothes sharer, and everything else that a roommate entitles at Bible School. 

• MY CLASSES: My "School within a school" class is Prophecy.  I chose between Biblical Studies, Prophecy, and Worship.  I was strongly leaning towards worship for the longest time, but then I felt like I should really be in Prophecy, so when the time for the decision came, I made the right decision, I think.  I am also taking a -Church History -Romans -Prayer and Personal Devotion -Old Testament Survey and of course Prophecy.  I would give you the low-down on all of them, but so far the only class I've taken is Prophecy (WHICH WAS, AND IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!!!)

I went into town on Monday afternoon (town=gas station and maybe a couple restaurants....maybe a public library?) to an internet cafe, so I was able to connect to the outside world YAY!  Tuesday we had orientation in the morning, then lunch, then we had our first day of work (Housekeeping) but I didn't have to work because Anne decided she would just teach us all together the next day.  So we had that time off.  I hung around outside by myself at the picnic tables for a bit, then after getting hit on by an African guy from Nigeria, I went inside.   I just sat and waited for JT and Ashley to get out of their kitchen meeting so we could go to Walmart to get some last-minute stuff for our room. Forgotten things such as: Curtains, Mirror, Rug, Floor Lamp, removable wall hooks, a shelf, Duct tape (teal in color) and miscellaneous other items (that apparently my Mother DID NOT pick out during our huge blow out shopping spree at Walmart before I came to Bethany).

Therefore, Wednesday Morning we had our first class. Prophecy. With Joanne Picataggi.  She shared what was on her heart for us that morning, and her class is so relaxed, I love it.  I'm really excited to see what God has in store for all of these people, yearning to hear His voice.  Then we had chapel, which was also awesome!! After that, and lunch, I had work.  Anne and Jean trained us on how to make beds, and clean bathrooms. Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me.  We finished at 5, and ate dinner, then had another meeting at 7 to go through the rule book.  After that we had a girl's dorm meeting, and that was also fun........then I went to sleep, after trying to suck up to our dorm counselor.

Today would have been our first day of classes, except for the fact that chapel ran about 2 hours over the proposed time limit.  It started at 9, and was supposed to end before 10:30, which is the starting time for our Church History class on Thursday, but evidently God had other plans for us today.  Jesse Spradlin led worship, and even in the first song, everyone could feel that this wasn't gonna end on time.  God moved so heavily during the first two songs, that by the time it was 10:00, and time for the message, Jesse had only done two songs.  Joanne talked, called up some people for prayer, then the Holy Spirit started moving. It was so intensely awesome to see :) After chapel, it was 12:45 and lunch started at 12.  Work was at 1 so we had to eat super quick.  We worked for 4 hours (cleaned 2 bathrooms, 1 kitchen, vacuumed 2 suuuper long hallways, vacuumed the "business office hallway") then went on the computer for the allotted hour, after setting up my account etc. then sat and read for the next couple of hours.  

anyway. this is getting boring. basically my day is over. I'm excited for tomorrow, but I don't think I have enough dressy clothes. 

goodnight all!!!

*written 8/26/10 11 pm but I have no internet now so i'll post it tomorrow.*

<3

Two Worlds, One Family

And so, armed with tissues, halls cough drops, cough syrup,and some more tissues, I leave today for Bible School.  Yes, that's right.  I'm sick.  But not just like I-have-a-little-cough-so-I'm-pretending-to-make-it-sound-worse-so-people-will-pity-me sick, but it's my-throat-kills-my-freakin'-nose-wont-stop-running-I-woke-up-a-gazillion-and-one-times-last-night-because-my-whole-body-aches sick.  It sucks.  


But instead of staying home, tucked up in my warm comforter, and eating the food that my mom makes for me, I'm leaving home.  I'm going off to school today, and I'm miserable.  


Yesterday when I was finishing packing, I was listening to Disney, (Disney makes everyone feel better, whether they admit it or not) and of course I have like... songs from EVERY single Disney movie, including Tarzan (which also happens to have some of my favorites) and the song "Two Worlds, One Family" came on. 
(For those of you that don't know, Tarzan grew up with a family of gorillas, but then met a beautiful English girl, and fell in love, therefore, the two worlds)


Here are some of the lyrics.  The unrelated parts are replaced by ellipses (...)

I like this picture a lot. It's kind of cool, the
ocean seems to never end, as if it goes on
forever.

Put your faith in what you most believe in
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see
...
...
...
Raise your head up
Lift high the load
Take strength from those that need you
Build high the walls
Build strong the beams
A new life is waiting
But danger's no stranger here

No words describe a mother's tears
No words can heal a broken heart
A dream is gone, but where there's hope

Somewhere something is calling for you
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see

I just thought that was interesting.  (But I would switch "fate" for God, because I don't believe in fate.... now that's a conversation for another time)

Here I go people.  It's all over now, and it's all beginning again!!!

Now back to the World of Headbands and Sunsets!

I haven't worn headbands in a while.  Mostly because all the plastic ones I get, end up breaking on me.  However, I recently started stocking up again, and NOT just with plastic ones, but cloth too. VERY cute...


ANYWAY!!!! that was just a musing of mine, a couple days ago....

CHECK OUT this awesome sunset I saw a couple nights ago... it was breathtaking :)

<----------- this was the first view I had, when I walked into the bathroom and saw the walls flooded with this color :D

This was the second view I had... 5 minutes later, after uploading the other picture and LOVING IT!!! I decided to take another, and LOVED THIS ONE EVEN MORE!!!!!

And this was at the end of my sunset.... so sad, yet so gorgeous and colorful!!!

The Realm of Hair and Happiness

Yesterday morning I woke up..... in a mediocre mood... not happy, not sad, just kinda... eh. THEREFORE what did i decide to do??? Get a haircut of course!! 

PSSSSTT.....

<-------- this is what my hair used to look like while curly... long, very nice, kinda wavy and unruly actually :) I love it :D i could put it up, and in a bun, and down, and in a braid... it was extreeeeemely versatile!!!! 

(whenever i say that word I am soooo tempted to say it the way Dory from Finding Nemo said "escape", and the way Groucho from the Marx Brothers said "fragile" soo I do!!! I pronounce it --vur-sah-tilly--)

SO... it was around 3:03 pm.... but who's counting, and I called up the Paparazzi Salon in Glen Cove...(normally I would go see Stella Livoti at the Cactus Salon in Woodbury, but my car was in the shop........ wait...... DETOUR!!!!

on Saturday night, when I was leaving for my friend Amy's graduation party, I stupidly decided to air out my car, because it was kinda hot, but ya know.... who would EVER do that???? no one right??? wrong.. everyone does it, and THIS never happens to them!!!!!!!! The passenger side window *clicked* (which is the only way i know how to describe it.. but it was more of a glassy sounding pop... i dont know.. make of it what you will.) and started slowly sliding down, despite my very exhausting efforts at pushing the button in the "up" direction, and trying to rewind time... 5 minutes later, my window was fully down, and there was nothing I could do to get it back up.... so we took it to Troffa's (the repair shop in my town) and he fixed it.. $363.84 later I got my car back today....

........ so my car was in the shop and I had to go to Paparazzi Salon in the GC.... I called their number, and heres the way the conversation went

Lady-"Hi thank you for calling Paparazzi Salon, what can I do for you?"

Me-"Well I dont think you can cut my hair.... you're the receptionist...." 

LOL jk I didn't say that

Me-"Hi can I make an appointment for a cut today?"

Lady-"Sure. 3:30 with Peter?"

Me-*wow that was really fast* "Sounds good!!!"

Lady-" ok we'll see you then!"

Nothing to it, folks.  I put on some decent looking clothes, and hopped in the car. by 4:30 my hair was shiny, flippy, and SHORT!!

sooo i sent around this picture ----------->

to some friends who can ACTUALLY receive picture mail!!! and they all loved it! hooray for acceptance!! hahaha :) I went home and showed my parents, and my brother, and felt VERY HAPPY!!!! 

Now why is it... that when something like this happens..

• New Haircut
• New Clothes
• New Makeup
• New Shoes
• New Jewelry
• New Hat
• New Scarf
• New Rainboots
• New Perfume
• New Shampoo and Conditioner
• New Flat Iron
• New ANYTHING

it makes you happy??? Not necessarily YOU, but just anyone!!

I really don't know the scientific, honest-to-God, psychological reason, HOWEVER, I am a woman, and women like to feel beautiful.  Women buy new things for the purpose of showing off, using, wearing, smelling, jumping in, waving, or wafting them!! New things make women feel pretty, so my hair made me feel pretty :D it's a nice feeling :D

ATTENTION ALL.......THIS IS A 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM 

THE WORLD OF NEW THINGS!!!!!

<------------ check out this ADORABLE sweater from H&M that I just got tonight :) LOVE the bow appliques that look like pockets :):) sooooo cute :)

I was debating on getting it in cream, versus gray, but the gray hides a lot of accidents, and i plan to wear this sweater a heckuvalot :)

From the world of sleep.

Yes, this is my gift.....
I don't require gift wrapping.
Just packaging maybe.

Snooze.  Snooze.  Snooze.  

My hand hits that kind, large, gift of a button every 9 minutes.  

Wait.... but why 9 minutes?

 Who knows?! Who cares? 

Some mornings I spring out of bed, ready to start my day, and get work done.

However it’s the other days when i thoroughly appreciate this small technological gift from the creator of the alarm clock. 

If I knew him personally, he’d be my best friend. 

*best friends*

Without this snooze button, I would be either forced to wake up too early, jarred out of my temporary state of hibernation by the harsh, cold, pitiless blaring of my alarm clock, or I would be late to whatever event I was forced to wake up early for, be it school, work, church, even my own graduation. 

I would’ve never thought that 9 minutes could make such a difference in the course of my day; not being enough time to get to school, or finish my homework, but more than enough time to  brush my teeth, eat a quick breakfast, or heat up a cup of tea in the microwave.  

HOWEVER!!!

9 minutes is just enough time to fill up my gas tank, or to get dressed.  Apparently it’s also just enough extra time to sleep, where it allows you to stay warm, and tucked up in your bed, dozing off until the alarm rings again; Just enough time to make your day surprisingly better, the difference between hot and cold, summer and winter.  

The snooze button, a marvelous invention.  

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post. "Alarm clocks on the other hand....."

The vile beast without a snooze button.......

In the world of Long Stories

Last Day in New Hampshire

...sure was memorable...

I woke up this morning, with plans to eat my breakfast, pack my bags, take my shower, and then head home to Long Island.  My plans were interrupted when I found out that Dan had OTHER plans to go cliff jumping at an old rock quarry.  After having fulfilled all MY plans for the morning, I decided to go with him and his friends, just as a spectator/ photographer.

After following hand-drawn directions (that's right folks, hand-DRAWN, not written) to the location, finding an illegal parking spot on the site of a seemingly abandoned farm house, then trespassing on private property, we started to see some sights.

The beautiful view from a pretty tall pile of strangely geometric rocks.

We hiked through the debris, and tall grass, by-passed many "shortcuts", and finally arrived at the quarry.

The water was actually a very clean, clear, beautiful shade of blue...and because it was so calm, it showed a mirror image of the horizon, which was also beautiful, there were hardly any clouds in the sky.

Now as I said, I wasn't planning on

• jumping in, 
• falling in, 
• even getting wet at all.  

However, after watching the boys fearlessly launch their bodies off this huge cliff, and into the water below, I was feeling a tad bit inadequate, and shown-up.  I don't like that feeling.  

SO,

To be? or not to be? THAT is the question!

Lies. The question is... did I jump? 

The answer is No.

Dan's face is a little strange, but it was the best of the two
pictures, so just pretend that he DOESN'T look so weird.

I was perfectly content just living with my inadequacy, because at least I'd be LIVING!
Yes, the guys were all cajoling me, and trying to convince me to go, and I DID want to go, but I wasn't "wearing my bathing suit" (such a perfect excuse!!)



We finished up, watched some other new comers for a bit, Listened to, and laughed at their mothers telling them to "Be Careful" in very thick New York accents,  then started walking back.  

Now, here comes the fun part.  I don't know if you can see it, but all the way to the right of this picture, where you can see the rocks, but no trees.  Well, there's a rope swing over there..........

As we were walking by, Dan was still trying to convince me to go, and asked me to just go grab the rope, and bring it up so he could see it, and maybe test it out.  Therefore, being the kind, enabling younger sister that I am, I grabbed the rope.  

After 5 minutes, the guys had me convinced to go.  

So I -took off my shorts (I was wearing bike shorts underneath) 

-and my outer shirt (tank top underneath), 

-grabbed that rope, (mentally preparing myself for whatever came next).  

I closed my fingers around the rope,  my hands one above the other, right on top of  a strategically placed knot, the perfect height for a hand grip.  It took me a while, but I eventually got up the courage to push against the rock with my legs, and swing out over the water, however, when I actually went through with it, I didn't swing out far enough for some reason.  I don't know what happened, but I didn't think that I was far enough, so I bailed.  I did NOT let go of that rope, but instead I rode it back in, leaving the guys to have to grab me so that I didn't fall off the outcrop.

I went again, and this time I succeeded in falling into the water, wooohoooo!!    

• I swam over to where someone had so intelligently placed a pretty sketchy looking ladder, 
• climbed up, 
• then jumped off the 30 foot ledge.  

I couldn't even wait, I just had to go for it, while I knew I still would.  Again, as soon as I pulled myself up that ladder a second time, I headed for the 50.  The difference between being up there before, taking pictures, and being up there at that point, preparing to jump, was so extreme, it almost hurts my brain to think about it.

To make a long story short.

I jumped.

I fell...50 ft.

I hit the water.

It hurt...a little bit.

I'm so glad I did it though.

I'm glad Dan forced me to jump.

I would totally do it again given the chance.

I'm kinda liking the whole pyramid shape of this.

I wanna keep it going....but I have nothing else to say.

SO. Goodnight everyone! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Apparently the DO exist after all...and are really really really nasty bugs.

Hence the phrase "Don't let the bed bugs bite" because if you do, you'll regret it.

Wow I don't even know why that was fun.

I guess I'm just very easily amused.

But that really WAS a lot of fun.

and strangely entertaining.

Don't judge me please.

wow OK seriously.

I'm done.

Bye!

<3

Beyond our world

Last night, after a long day mostly spent just curled up on my bed taking random naps because I didn't feel good, we went stargazing.  Me, Dan, and two of his friends walked down to the beach, where there isn't much light, pulled up a couple lounge chairs, and just watched the stars.  

The expanse of the sky that we could see, because half was obscured by trees, was phenomenal, breathtaking, awe-inspiring, and just plain scary.

To think that the sky that we were seeing at that moment, filled with stars, was all chosen, designed, created by my God.  MY God!!!!

Psalm 147:4

 4 He determines the number of the stars
       and calls them each by name.

He is so awesome, so powerful, so WORTHY of everything we can give to him, but he deserves so much more!!!! I mean seriously. We are so pathetic.  Our love for him, and for other people (family, friends, boyfriends, husbands) cannot even compare to His love for  us.  

And when I say it can't compare, I literally mean it's the difference between a raindrop and the ocean; a blade of grass versus rolling hills in the countryside; a grain of sand compared to a beach.  Literally, incomparable.  

Maybe if our love was perfect, pure, and constant, maybe, maybe then we could begin to try to compare it to God's love for us (...highly unlikely) but it's not! It's nowhere near perfect!  I don't even know how many times a week I am sitting in my room, doing something quietly, and I realize that I am totally ignoring God.  He's always there waiting for me, and I ignore him so frequently.  But His mercy DOES indeed endure forever, so I know I'm covered, even when I screw up big time.  I LOVE GOD!!!!!

hope the weekend's going well :)

love always <3

In the world of Timmy

Today was an ordinary day at Camp Spofford, I woke up at 7:52, and, after realizing that the rest of my family had ALSO slept in until 8 minutes before breakfast, I proceeded to rouse them from their oh-so-sweet vacation sleep.  I'm cruel, I know.  I donned my sweatshirt and jeans (typical 'morning' wear in New Hampshire) and walked down the hill with my half-asleep older brother (who I only convinced into ACTUALLY eating breakfast with me by mentioning the fact that it was German Pancake day).  German Pancakes are my favorite breakfast here.  Who knew eggs, flour, sugar, and God knows what else, could taste so good?  I did.

We ate our pancakes and fruit, switching occasionally because the strawberry sauce I had splashed across my delectable pancakes got a little overwhelming at times, and he wanted to try it.  Thus, we finished our breakfast, and went back up to the room to sleep some more. HEY! we're on vacation! Don't judge!  We were temporarily jarred out of our restful slumber by housekeeping, and after stumbling out of our room for 10 minutes, almost falling asleep in the hallway, and drowsily making our way back into the room, we collapsed on our beds, and proceeded to sleep for another hour and a half, until lunch. We had a very productive morning as you can see.

Our day continued with a rather large amount of mediocrity.

Later, however, after refusing to participate in, attending, and then laughing my face off at the family talent show at 7, I meandered over to the gym with my friend Matti, to watch the annual Staff vs. Guest beatdown. AHEM I mean basketball game.

The Staff always win, not because they play every week, are in top physical condition, or are all between the ages of 16 and 25, but because of sheer intimidation.  "They ALWAYS win, every year, so why would this year be any different?" is the usual mindset of the guests, and the people in the audience, including the staffers who came to watch.  

In the audience, you get the typical crowd:

-Reject/Cheerleader: The staff members who are either 1. really bad at basketball, and were previously kicked off the team, or 2. girls, and never play anyway, so they just wear their hand-made player t-shirts

-Reluctant children: The campers who are only there because their counselors want to cheer for the other staff members, and could care less who wins or loses

-Bored attendee: The guests who have ABSOLUTELY nothing better to do with their time

-Fake Enthusiastic Family: The guests who's son/husband/uncle/cousin/second cousin/far distant relative is playing in the game and is only their to give some meager support, and maybe a few claps every once in a while

-Loud Ones: The guests who come to camp every year, know everyone on the staff, talk to everyone they see, and absolutely LOVE hearing the sound of their own voice.  

sooooo I sat in the top of the bleachers, behind the loud ones, the bored ones, the fakely enthusiastic ones, reluctant children, rejects, and cheerleaders, and just observed patiently.....The game ended up going very well for the staff, surprise, surprise.  But what DID surprise me was the reaction that everyone in the gym had to Timmy.

Timmy is a down syndrome 12 year old, who has the biggest heart for everyone, and is extremely well known and LOVED at Spofford, to the point where he actually made a facebook (with help) and continues to communicate with people from Spofford over the winter.  He's such an awesome little guy, is extremely sweet, caring, and has such a captivating personality! Anyway.  Every year Timmy looks forward to coming to Spofford, and each week that he comes, he plays in the Staff Basketball game.  I've seen him play before, and each time it almost brings me to tears.

He walks into the gym when the guys are getting warmed up, and sits on the bench in his little basketball outfit, telling the guys that they're "doin a good job" and that they're "gonna do great", just being such an encouragement, and bright face for everyone.

The game starts, and he's cheering for everyone on both teams, whoever happens to have the ball at that time.  Then the time comes about 20 minutes into the game, and it's finally Timmy's turn to play.  You notice a definite change on the court, as soon as he steps on, people walk more clumsily, lose possession of the ball more frequently, STINK at blocking, and for some

reason, the ball always seems to land directly in front of this kid who is purely ECSTATIC, for just having the chance to be on the court with all the "big guys".  The guys give Timmy the ball every time, and fake block him, to make him think he's doing a good job.  Of course, none of the points that he scores count, but I don't think he knows, or even cares.  I watch the guys dive at him to get the ball, but then at the last second, fall flat on their face, as if he was dodging them.  They fail at rebounding, seeing as the ball always ends up rolling in front of him.  He throws the ball up once, misses; Throws it again, airball; Throws it a third time, it hits the rim, and rolls in.  An EXPLOSION OF APPLAUSE deafens my ears as this little 12 year old boy runs down the court with his fists in the air, and everyone chants his name.  The extent to which they cheer for him, and the size of the smile on his face, is as if they had been losing the game by 2 with 10 seconds left, and he just got a 3 pointer.  

I was so blessed seeing how happy Timmy was tonight, and blessed by the guys in the game, how both teams just stopped what they were doing, (the clock wasn't even running) to give him a night he will never forget.  I was almost brought to tears, and I hope that this story has brightened your day, the way his smile brightened mine :)

Always <3 from Joyworld

In a strange new world

Today I went shopping. Oh joy!!!! Yay!!! Hooray!! One of my favorite past times!!! However, today was different. I was going shopping for my dorm room at college. Totally a different ball game here.  I'd never done this before, had absolutely NO idea where to start, or even which color scheme I was going for.  Looking back on it now, I see that it was, to be frank, a hot mess.  I thought I wanted purple, because it IS after all, my favorite color! But when I started walking down the festively colored aisles frankly labelled "College Dorm", and began to get lost amidst the vast array of sheets, and comforters, towels, and hand towels, shower caddies, and face cloths, storage bins, and shelves, wall hangers, and lamps, rugs, and bulletin boards, pillows, and pillow cases, and other various organizational gimmicks (*which were invented for the sake of parents sending their cherished children off to college, so that they can feel like this 10" x 8" x 5" cheap, vulgarly colored, nastily patterned, hard plastic box, would somehow force their child to be more organized, and not just be carelessly thrown into the corner of the room to collect dust*)I realized that I did NOT want all purple.

But I also realized that this is it.  I'm leaving home now.  I spent the past 18 years of my life being trained and raised and taught by two wonderful parents, for this very season.  This season of my life in which I pack up almost every bit of clothing that I own, (except the stuff I will never, ever be caught dead wearing) random pictures of friends and family, all my shoes! (and that does NOT count the ones that I wear, which actually belong to my mother) all my jewelry, my small supply of makeup, some books, some posters, some.. well a lot of stuffed animals (don't judge me), and anything else that I think I might possibly use during the next bunch of months that I will be spending away from home.

This is a season of change.  A time in my life where I really do have to grow up, past the maturity that I've already come into.  I have to take care of myself now, and start living as an independent young woman.

When I was younger, and I saw other people going to college, I would think to myself that one day that's gonna be me! but it always seemed so far away! 18 always seemed like a HUGE number to me.  As if I would be so different by then, well, by now.  However, I don't see the difference, it doesn't seem very obvious in me.  I don't even FEEL as if I'm old enough to go to college! I feel like I should still be in high school lol. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??? Since WHEN have I been an adult? College used to be so far in the future, even when I graduated in June, it still seemed so far away, but it's happening. "One day" is now here, and I've gotta get ready for it.  All I can do is trust God to help me figure this whole thing out, and just give me grace and patience with myself, and other people.

The world of a wire coat hanger

A piece I wrote in English class this year, that I just really love, and once I stumbled across this picture, I knew I had to share it :)

He sees her, the damsel in distress, tied up in her prison cell, covered in dirt and sweat, awaiting the fate that she knows she doesn’t deserve, like a lamb, led to the slaughter.  She is going to be fed to the dragon at dawn.  She has been in this situation before, and each time her prince charming comes to rescue her.  She’s not worried.  Without warning, she looks up and sees him, bursting through the thick wooden doors that lead to where she is held, like the sun breaking through the clouds, brandishing his sword, daring the guards to try and stop him, as he comes to slice through the ropes that bind her arms with his frighteningly sharp, and powerful sword.  He frees her, and grabs her by the hand to guide her safely out of her imprisonment, to safety.  She runs behind him, holding up her dress, brushing her dark curls out of her eyes, struggling to keep up.  He turns to look at her, to reassure her, and tell her not to worry, when all of a sudden their world of make-believe is shattered by a call from their mother announcing dinner.  Her bindings disappear, her elegant, dazzling pink dress evaporates to be replaced by her mother's old sun-dress, and beaten up high heeled shoes, her prince’s shining army once again becomes the squashed cardboard box that their mother had been cajoled into saving from Christmas, as they jump up and run into the kitchen, eager to eat their food, yet uneager to leave their story unfinished.  The little boy stops before entering the kitchen, turns around, and looks back in awe and reluctance as his bright, sharp, jewel-encrusted sword, under his watchful gaze, transforms back into the old, bent-up wire coat hanger that it once was.  After rejoining his sister in the kitchen, he nods his head in response to her quizzical look, then whispers quickly in her ear “don’t worry, our secret’s safe”.

And thus, the world continues to spin...

Well here I am.  I created this blog about two months ago, but got suddenly bored in the middle of typing my very first blog post. So that didn't really work out so well. However, now I've made a very DECISIVE decision to take up blogging, just because it'll be fun to pass the time when I get bored.....and whatnot. So HI! welcome to my most private innermost thoughts... or maybe just the story of my day, or whatever is making me upset, or happy at the moment.  I hope it'll be fun!! and I can definitely promise you that there is no chance that it will be boring!! Come join me on this rather 2 dimensional adventure of my next couple of months, or however long i'll keep this up (if I even last that long)