Monday, July 29, 2013

The rest of the story...kinda

I knowwww I knoww it's taken a while.  Let's leave that alone for now and not blame me, or procrastination.  Instead lets blame finals, unpacking/moving back home, party planning, re-packing, food-cooking, getting engaged, cross-country road trips, and internships!!!! [because that's way more fun than blaming my own laziness and procrastination]

When we left off, I had just finished telling you about how we finally saw each other for the first time.  
Our first picture together ever..... aww 
We spent a fantastic weekend together, dancing at the wedding, going on a beautiful, unforgettable date, holding hands, and kissing for the first time!
^^^ this picture.... amirite?
But back it up a second and let's talk about that date!! He took me to the best vineyard on the west coast, King Estates.  [oh good job, Taylor, you took a minor to a winery. What great ideas you have!]  I was wearing a pretty dress, he was all dressed up, and the location was to die for. Picture row after row of grape vines, and plum trees escorting you up a hill to a beautiful outdoor patio overlooking the mountains and forests of Oregon, surrounded by bushels of lavender, expensive food, and exquisite service....And there you have the backdrop to our first date.  But besides the fact that I felt like the bachelorette [holla at ma girl Des] we also had fantastic conversation, and

Before we sat down though, Taylor took me on a walk around the property for a bit [we were early for our reservation].  We stopped for a minute, just to take in our surroundings, and Taylor turned to me, gave me a little zippered silk Baggie, and made me a promise. Yes, it was with a ring, and heck yes, it was beautiful.  He promised me that he would wait for me.  That meant a lot for him. He'd been put on hold by my dad's reply to his letter, and he had some doubts about pursuing me.  However, right in the midst of his most powerful doubt, God confirmed our relationship, telling him to wait. So this wasn't just a "hey I like you and I want you to like me and be happy so here's this pretty thing." But it was "Here is a symbol of a promise that I will not break. I promise to wait, as long as it takes, to be with you"

Gosh. if that doesn't melt my heart every time I think about it.  I am the luckiest woman alive.

But it's weird though, right? by any other standard other than "lets just make this up as we go along", Taylor giving me a ring after the 4th day of us ever being together in person would be considered too much, too early, too sparkly [never too sparkly].  But we can't compare our relationship to "any other standard" because it's OUR relationship.  We had to believe that God was doing something different, and special, and it was going to be even better than we imagined it was going to be.  Being with Taylor, sitting with him in the car and just looking at him, made my heart sing.  Yeah, that sounds really cheesy, and just sickly romantic, but it's true.  I poignantly remember a moment when I looked at him, and saw him looking at me, and all I had running through my head was just "ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU" but I never said it.... because [according to our world's standard] it would have been way too soon to say that I loved him.  I was too young to know what love is.  I didn't fully understand it.  I didn't know him long enough.  I didn't spend enough time around him.  right? hah. nope. wrong....

I remember having a conversation with my best friend in the airport on my way back home, and I told her the whole story.  Our entire weekend.  Of course she freaked out, and was excited/nervous for me, but she asked me one question that simultaneously put the biggest smile on my face, and the strongest, flappiest butterflies in my stomach.
She asked if I loved him.  I told her yes. 

I went back to home/school [sidenote: if you haven't read my post about THAT, you should!!!].  I mourned being back, but I had great friends who picked me up at the airport, and I got to share all my stories of my wonderful weekend with them on the 45 minute drive back to school.  The next day, as Taylor and I were processing the weekend together via text, and just going about our business, doing all the things we needed to do to catch up from our weekend, I decided to tell him my secret....that sometimes over the weekend, my heart was saying things that my brain just didn't believe, and my mouth couldn't bring itself to admit.
I loved him.

Finally after being cryptic and trying not to say anything that was too committal, I just said what we both already knew was true, but had never been put into audible words.
"I think I love you"

and he responded with the best words he could have ever chosen.
"I know I love you"